Matilda da Midget (llueve_nublado) wrote in bad_reviews_inc,
Matilda da Midget

How to tell someone you dislike them...

You have friends. You probably love your friends don't you? But, isn't there that one friend that just tweaks you? That one you just want to shoot? This is probably a good indicator that you don't like them - at all as a matter of fact.
Isn't that happy? Now you know why you seem to be tweaked by said friend. Now you are no longer in ignorant...non-bliss. You have knowledge.
But now, how do you tell said friend that you hate them to no end. Well, my "friend", there are many approaches to this. Lets roll the examples shall we:

I hate you because...

1: You smell. Dear God, to no end do we hate people because of their odor. Yes, this is a great one. Go up to your "friend" and compliment them on smelling like horsedung and then tell them they should try skunk as it is an unappreciated scent. That stupid freeloader will learn fast. Hell, they don't even have to smell. Tell them they have BO and they'll believe you. Kudos if you do this one with creativity.

2: You're fat. Yes, why do you want to be friends with the quintissential fat kid? This kid fails gym for chrissakes. I mean, there's chubby and then there's fat. Seriously, this kid is fatter than a white rapper back in 1998. They can't keep up and usually talk in grunts. And these grunts are all about food. Dump the loser. My suggestion is "Hey, eating disorders are back in this season. You should probably try to follow the latest trend."
Fucking lardasses.

3: You're a whore/bastard. Yes, the ever popular playground swearing. Just be upfront. Besides, the person is probably a total slut and wears too much makeup, or, in the male case, is a total womanizer. You should beat them after they burst into tears because they just lost you, super cool you, as their friend. You egotistical bastard, wait, that one is coming up. Well, just call them a whore. They'll probably believe it. As everyone and his uncle is a whore nowadays. Hell, you're probably a whore. Stop reading this, stupid whore. WHORE WHORE WHORE!

4: You're selfish(self-absorbed and "egomaniac" also count). Yes, now this is one that is, in my opinion, understated in it's greatness. Mainly because it's true. And people hate telling people the truth. Everyone is a selfish, horrible, puppy torturing person...just some more than others. And, chances are, if you're honest, the person won't care. Because then they'll know they can be open about their egotistic nature and go off and be jerks and no one will care and this sentence has far to many "and"s to be a sentence and why are you still reading this you self absorbed freak?

5: You talk shit about me. Yes, this is a great reason. You can always nail someone for talking shit about you. Look at this example:
Nora told Marcia about her super special fun lovin' session with her boyfriend. Marcia told Cindy that Nora was in love and had physically professed it to her boyfriend. Cindy tells Nora that Marcia is calling her a dirty slut.
See, see how you can twist people's words?
Nora then proceeded to bitch out Marcia who was hurt and confused and fortunately killed herself.
You can make anything people say into shit talked about you. So, do

6: You are stupid. Is your friend illiterate? Can you not stand to listen to their bad grammar any longer? Is the lack of a vocabulary starting to get to you? Is every word they say "uhhhhhhh"? Well then great, you can leave 'em for being dumb as an ox...and twice as ugly.

7: You have a stupid name. This is even worse. Who wants to be friends with the local "Thadius" or "Maureen" or "Eugene". I mean, seriously, what gross names. I say you kill them after you tell them you are ending your friendship because of that stupid name.

8: I hate you.
Oh, that was directed toward the reader.
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