Matilda da Midget (llueve_nublado) wrote in bad_reviews_inc,
Matilda da Midget

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Hell Forums.

Hi, and welcome to Hell forums. I'm the Administrator, Satan. Please feel free to browse any of the following forums, or, register your soul with me, and condemn yourself to whichever one you'd wish. As long as you have good contributions and, please, don't spam.

Purgatory (Your Mother):
Mods- XdamienX, 666ish, angrydemon

This forum is where all souls who used the insult "Your Mother" or something just as lame in life are condemned. Forever they will have to search Google for "Meaning of Life" and read through each and every entry.
"So, wut r u here 4?"
"LOL d00d, i sed ur MOM n they put me here!"

Circle 1(Chicks who can't cyber but try to anyways):
Mods- XdamienX, Lucifera, Bill

This forum is self explanatory, but, for all you dumbfucks...
This is where souls who go into chat rooms, get horny old 40 year old men like myself thinking "hey, i could get some good cyber off this girl" and then go off and proceed to bitch about their mothers are condemned. These souls will have to forever give cyber sex only to be told they suck and be beaten by angry old men, like me.
[chat room...Teens]
"ew, go away"
"Hey, so, carlos, what?"
"Hey baby ;)"
"lol, hi"
"so, wanna suck my cock???"
"*gets naked*"
"Get sucking"
"So lame..."

Circle 2(People who communicate through nothing but Smileys):
Mods- XdamienX, grrrpower, apocolypsed

This forum is where people who have conversation using only Smileys and Emoticans go. The words "hi" and other monosyllabic junk don't count as words, so, enjoy souls! The people condemned here will have smiles placed upon their faces forever by painful metal work and be chased by (6).
":) hey"
":( u r mean :'("
"oh, soz, :) :) :)"
"(K) bye"
"bye :("

Circle 3(Stupid screennames):
Mods- MrMean, PAEIN, Sillypuss

We've all seen them. Someone with a stupid screenname or something completely overused, can we get some examples for our souls please. These people, since they used something too much or were too gay, will be forever fucked up the ass by someone who keeps saying "Harder, Harder, Harder, Harder, Harder, Harder" and they themselves will be forced to say into infinity "Faster, Faster, Faster, Faster, Faster, Faster".
"Place gay quote with :)'s at the end here"

Circle 4(Anyone who asks "ASL?"):
Mods- MyNameIsEvil, supersizedass, PAEIN

For all those asses out there who ask "ASL?" or, for MSN junkies, (?), this is the Circle for you. If you ever said "Name?" "Age?" "Sex?" "Location?" or any phrase deemed "gay" by me, than, you will be sentenced to stay here for all eternity, constantly moving from place to unnamable place while being asked "ASL?" "ASL?" "ASL?".
"OMg, HI!!!!"

Circle 5(People who spam you with annoying links):
Mods- XdamienX, PAEIN, Arachnaephobia

Ever gotten a really annoying link? Or one that you just didn't want(hey, annoying?)? Or one to Goatse which everyone has seen about a million times? How about one that opens up 10 new windows per window so you have to reboot your entire system? Yes? Then this is where you belong. The souls here are eternally punished to view Bad Links while (6)'s pry apart their skulls as their links did to me.

Circle 6(Anyone who lists in their user profile that they are from Egypt or anywhere in the Middle East):
Mods- PAEIN, your_mom, sickwidget

That's just silly. People in Egypt and the Middle East don't have computers. Anyone fag enough to do this will forever be chased by Towelheads(Sandniggers) while listening to quotes from the Koran. PWNED!!!111!!!

Circle 7(Anyone who tells you to look at their LJ):
Mods- XdamienX, hiroshimawasfunny, Poo

No one cares about your life. No one thinks you're insanely hilarious and can write like no one before you. Die all LJ linkers! For the rest of eternity, you will be forced to work out to Richard Simmons whilst being fed Lobster Icecream so that you stay fat and yet don't get something tasty.
"I'm so kool"

Circle 8(Wiggers):
Mods- XdamienX, PAEIN, your_mom

Wiggers are annoying in life, and you'd think, this must be where they stop...right? Nooooo. However, there are so *many* of these souls, that they must be divided into Bolgia's. Mmmyep.

Bolgia 1 of Circle 8(Wiggers who try to make you listen to their music):

They don't listen to good music. Yet they try to make you download it, or worse, buy the CD's. For this, they will be forever made to listen to anti-wigger music(Cannibal Corpse) while Elliot Smith stabs them with knives.
"OMG, Dr.Dre iz so KOOOL!"

Bolgia 2 of Circle 8(Wiggers who won't leave you alone):

They keep at you with their stupidity and if you reprimand them, they verbally "abuse" you. Hello, I could be getting very bad cyber here! For this, you souls will be condemned to forever having to watch Michael Jackson be hoarded by beautiful women, ready to give him cyber sex, only to turn them down for Bubbles. Then, the beautiful women will come to you, but when you pull down your pants, your genitals will be cut off and replaced by the Goatse man hole itself.
"go away"
"no nigga"
"you're white"
"yes, you are"
"fuk u nigga, i b blak n u cnt stp me"

Bolgia 3 of Circle 8(Wigger Princesses):

The Wiggers do not sustain themselves however through only their male population. This is why we have the Wigger Princesses, the female Wiggers who do nothing but have sex, produce more wigger offspring, and smoke pot whilst drinking very watered down bacardi. For producing wiggerspawn, these bitches will be forever condemned to have Eminem lyrics played out on their bodies. And believe me, he says some pretty awful things having to do with women and killing of women.
"Lol, omg, u suk"
"sanika iz so gay"
"I hat hr so muc"
"ya, me 2"

Circle Nine(Al Gore):
Mods- XdamienX, PAEIN, hard_core_porn

Since he invented this thing called the internet, allowing me to create these forums, he gets the ultimate place. The ninth circle. This also includes anyone who believed that Gore really did invent the internet. For this, all you liberal pansies will be chased by Catholics who will try to make you convert by cutting off your genitals and pepperspraying into the open hole.
"I invented the internet."

Thank you for visiting the Hell forums. Come again. Unless you have condemned your soul here. KTHNXBYE!

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